If you brat a Top, that is considered an invitation to play. Don’t brat and then refuse to play.
Most important: When using a safeword, leave no room for doubt. Don’t use it in context (“I’ll bet my bottom is getting really RED!”) – Say it in isolation, repeatedly, and loudly. Remember that there will be a party going on. “Red! Red! Red!”
This applies with role-playing. In character, you may be saying “No! No! No! No!Noooo!” To clarify, say “Red! Red! Red!” if you really mean it. THERE IS NO NEGOTIATION CONCERNING ANY SAFEWORD. (This includes if somebody doesn’t take “No” for an answer, and thinks you are playing “hard to get.”)
If you are new to somebody, it is always a good idea to negotiate play. Please be honest about what you like and don’t like. Please tell them what you are curious or inexperienced about as well as what YOU want. If you are new to something, let the Top know, so they will start easy and light so that you are comfortable. Even the best Tops are not psychics. Let them know what you enjoy most. A good Top wants to take care of the Bottom and will always reach out to you often to see if the type of impact play is what you want.
It is OK to say “No” to play, and you don’t need a reason. You get to have fun, too.
Not all spankos are into BDSM. If you are a Submissive in a relationship with a Dom and are approached for play, just let the inviting Top know whom to ask for permission. The protocols are a little different at a spanking party, and you can’t expect everyone there to be aware of the usual BDSM protocols.
If you want to know who the good Tops are, ask the other Bottoms.
It is OK to ask a Top to play. In fact, we are sure that would make any Top’s night!
Try not to wear yourself out on the first night of a multi-day party. Although not a hard and fast rule, try hands and light, stingy implements the first evening, so that you’ll have some behind left for the rest of the party/events, etc.
Private play is lots of fun, but ONLY WITH SOMEBODY YOU KNOW AND TRUST! Have fun, but be smart and safe. Never go to a hotel room alone, or let a friend (if you are in a group) know where you will be if you believe you trust/know them. Never let a Top pressure you for more than the agreed play – this is a RED FLAG and if this trust is abused, leave immediately, and DO NOT be afraid to approach a party organizer or friend and let them know exactly what happened.