If you brat a Top, that is considered an invitation to play. Don’t brat and then refuse to play.
Most important: when using a safeword, leave no room for doubt. Don’t use it in context (“I’ll bet my bottom is getting really RED!”) Say it in isolation, repeatedly, and loudly. Remember that there will be a party going on. “Red! Red! Red!”
Same thing when role-playing. In character, you may be saying “Nonononono!” To clarify, say “Red! Red! Red!” if you really mean it. THERE IS NO NEGOTIATION WITH REGARD TO ANY SAFEWORD. (This includes if somebody doesn’t take “No” for an answer, and thinks you are playing “hard to get.”)
If you are new to somebody, it is a good idea to negotiate play. Please be honest about what you like and don’t like. Please tell what you are curious, but inexperienced about. If you are new to something, let the Top know, so he or she will start out easy with it. Even the best Tops are not psychics. Let them know what you enjoy most. A good Top wants to take care of the Bottom.
It ISSSSSSS OK to say “No” to play, and you don’t need a reason. You get to have fun, too.
Not all spankos are into BDSM. If you are a Submissive in a relationship with a Dom and are approached for play, just let the inviting Top know whom to ask for permission. The protocols are a little different at a spanking party, and you can’t expect everyone there to be aware of the usual BDSM protocols.
If you want to know who the good Tops are, ask the other Bottoms.
It is OK to ask a Top to play. In fact, with our huge egos, it pretty much makes our night.
Try not to wear yourself out the first night of a multi-day party. Although not a hard and fast rule, try hands and light, stingy implements the first night, so that you’ll have some behind left for the last night. NOT having any fanny left on the last night kind of defeats the purpose of a multi-day party.
Private play is lots of fun, but ONLY WITH SOMEBODY YOU KNOW AND TRUST! Have fun, but be smart and safe.